I was talking to my mum over at the dinning table last night where I confessed to her about my poor results. My mum didn't scold me, but I really wish she did.Just get something hard to whack against my head, to wake up my idea. But she didn't. It's why she didn't that made me feel that I am sucha a loser. For all these years in my life, my life in studies...I brought her nothing but poor results,pain and worries. Seeing the grey hair that starts to spread on her forehead, I can't help but feel that I have let her down. As she starts to console me and says that I should try harder...I can't help but feel the pain. Neither me nor my sister has brought her fascinating results before that she could feel proud of us. Even when others 'glorified' their kids infront of us, she will just smile and praise. Yet, she wasn't able to praise her own kids infront of them. I have let her down =( Feeling so down now... I would like to share a little history or rather secret with all...i guess it may sound quite absurd. I was a EM1 student during my primary school days...I got into EM1 because my teacher requested for me to be in....please please do not think that EM1 students are geniuses or are all great in their studies. Because I am not. I am the EM1 student that was last in class I am the EM1 student that took higher chinese but flanked nearly all my spellings in class...higher chinese was way to difficult for me. I rememeber once I hid a book underneath the table and tried to copy but I still ended up with a big fat zero on my spelling book. I am the EM1 student that did worst than many many many EM2 students during my PSLE. I remember running home to cry when many of my friends got into 'famous schools' but yet I ended up in a neighbourhood school. Do you know why I cried so badly? For all the 6 or 12 choices that was chosen for my sec schools, i didn't even get in to any. I thought too highly of myself. I felt worst when my EM2 friends asked me why I did worst than them. I was speechless. Things didn't become that well in secondary school and it was much worst in JC...I hated my JC and my JC life...so many stories to tell but yet speechless for words. I am so ashame of myself...sighz... One last chance To prove myself wrong I need that faith ......
